As we know, cancer is not a disease which can be treated quickly and simply and then forgotten. One man whose daughter had cancer treatment as a baby described it as ‘lifetime membership of a club’. Although his daughter is now in her teens and completely well, the experience has never faded entirely and a slight fear of recurrence always remains in the back of his mind. His feelings are very typical. Some cancers do respond extremely well to treatment and some men are completely cured, but the check-ups can continue for years, so that you never forget completely.
It is a powerful experience which leaves a lasting impression and which can bring about changes in your outlook, priorities and lifestyle. Many men comment during or after their treatment that ‘I could never have gone through it without my wife/partner/parents/friend’ or ‘The treatment was unpleasant, but I wanted to get through it for the sake of my children/wife etc’. Comments like these emphasize how much we value and rely on our family and friends, often unconsciously, and how important these relationships become at times of crisis. You may find it difficult at first to accept that you need their support, especially if you have always been – and been seen as – a strong and supportive person yourself. There will be difficult and distressing times, but you will find your journey through treatment easier to bear if you undertake it together with the people you are close to.
This does not mean that you will not have some rocky times and sticky moments together with your loved ones. It is often assumed that people facing a crisis together will automatically ‘pull together’ and be constantly mutually supportive and saintly. It is true that for some people, facing a crisis together does strengthen their relationship. Others find their relationship under a huge strain. There is no ‘norm’ and no one should be expected to live up to unrealistic ideals of behaviour. However, if you stick together with those close to you and are willing to accept that we are all only human, then you may be surprised at the level of support you are able to offer each other.
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