Consider the comments from Leslie, a thirty-eight-year-old woman whose ten-year marriage was at a crossroads. “Will says he’s overjoyed that he can get the kind of erections he used to have. But we’ve been through too many tough times; we’ve fought a lot. He complained about the weight I gained, not realizing that it was in response to his not wanting to have sex with me. Of course, for a very long time I didn’t know—because he didn’t tell me—that he couldn’t have sex. I felt so rejected, food was my only consolation.
“Now he wants to have sex again. I have to ask myself: does he still care for me, or is it just that he hasn’t been able to have sex for a long time, wants to play catch-up, and is worried about straying from home and contracting AIDS? He’s so enraptured with his erections, I can’t honestly believe that they have much—if anything—to do with me. It makes me feel angry and used, and less attractive than ever.”
Leslie’s view is understandable, especially in the context of the way women judge themselves in our culture. Sadly, many women, beginning early in their lives, regulate their self-esteem through how they see their bodies, or think other people judge their physical attractiveness. We see evidence of this everywhere. Losing weight is a national obsession, supermodels are ideals for young girls, and prepubescent female athletes, many whose growth and menstrual cycles are stunted, are heroes for impressionable children.
Aging is, for many women, an enemy that must be fought at all costs. Looking and feeling the best they can while accepting their age is not their goal. Instead, beating the clock is, no matter how much self-esteem is sacrificed in the process. When self-value is solely reliant on the reactions of others to how one looks, problems are inevitable. Certainly ours isn’t the first culture to put such emphasis on looks. However, the advent of a new world of sexual medicine is bound to exert more pressure on the way women view their appeal, both physically and emotionally.
According to psychologist Dr. Robert Broad, at New York’s Mount Sinai Hospital, “In our society, how a woman attracts and arouses a man is a primary source of self-esteem. That initial appeal is often based on how a woman looks. This component of self-evaluation is a key factor to how a woman will respond to a man with erectile dysfunction—and how she will feel about herself.”
The more vulnerable a woman feels—regardless of her age—the more she will question herself, both as the source of a man’s ED and as the object of his attention.
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