We traditionally call that first experience of intercourse losing your virginity’. That always strikes me as a terribly negative way of looking at it. Why do so many words about sexuality sound so negative? Why should it be seen as a ‘loss’ and not a ‘gain’? This concept of loss is so ingrained in our culture that our language simply doesn’t have a word that will describe what you might gain.
And what is a virgin anyway? The very definition of the word implies the male experience of penetration of a woman’s vagina by his penis. It seems a little strange that a woman might have experienced thousands of orgasms without penetration, yet is still technically considered to be a virgin.
Nor is ‘virginity’ a guarantee against pregnancy. If a man ejaculates near the opening of the vagina, whether the hymen is intact or not, the sperm can still make their way into the vagina and result in a pregnancy.
Some cultures define virginity by whether the hymen is intact or not. It is more than likely that the hymen will be perforated by vigorous exercise or inserting tampons long before a penis gets there anyway. Such is the social significance of this piece of skin that partly blocks off the entrance of the vagina that I heard reports of a clinic in Sydney doing a great business in surgically restoring the hymen so that it had the appearance of being intact on the wedding night.
The whole concept of ‘losing your virginity’ is really a pretty bizarre anachronism. Once upon a time it was a loss in more ways than one: a virgin bride was worth more dowry for the husband. That value had a lot to do with the concept of a woman’s sexuality being a possession that could be bought and sold. ‘Damaged goods’ didn’t attract the same price. My dictionary still describes virginity as ‘the condition of being unsullied’. Is that what intercourse is supposed to be? Being sullied? How romantic!
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